Thursday, November 02, 2006

Nuts and Honeys: Game 7 Recap

Normally, yours truly, Brian “McNutCaster” McCarthy would write up some sort of witty recap here about “Nuts and Honeys.” But due to our two straight losses, I’ve checked myself into a mental facility to treat my acute depression, and I won’t be able to write a recap of our loss to Valley Girls, 5-0. I’m so despondent that I’ve cried for a week straight – my longest stretch of sadness since the first time I saw “Titanic” in the theaters. But, I was able to ask a journalist friend of mine to step in and do a write up, so here, to help me out, straight from Kuzcek, Kazakhstahn, is BORAT SAGDIYEV.

Jageshemesh! I am Borat! In America, there is game called ‘kickball’ that is very similar to Kazakh game ‘kickdog,’ only in America they kick ball, not dog. Very strange! I went to game in North Hollywood, California.

In game, I see two teams. The team who did not kick ball enough was Honey Nuts, which in Kazakhstan means ‘a man’s testes satchel.’ The other team who kick ball more was Girl Valley, which in Kazakhstan means ‘a woman’s Vazhïn.’ I would like to make sexy time with Girl Valley. NICE!

In game, they make womens play next to big strong mens. In my country, if men allow women to play in game, they must play naked. But in ‘kickball,’ women make plays with pants and shirt on. There is much less sexy time and liquid explosion on field in American game.

Also, when people go to kick ball, they play songs, but I no hear favorite song of Corkey Buchek, “Bing Bong.” It is #1 hit in Kazakhstan.

Part of game is that when ball is kicked, the people in field catch ball. This similar to another Kazakh game where we throw gypsies and must try to catch before they hit ground. I like you, do you like me?

At end of game, Womans Vazhïn beat Man’s Testes Satchel, 5 kicks to 0 kicks. I want Man’s Testes Satchel to win because they nice. Also because Woman’s Vazhïn remind me of my ex-wife. She dead now. HIGH FIVE!! She was borrrring!

At end of game, there was no sacrifice of goat. Why not?

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